I'm sorry for not doing and saying the right things.
I'm sorry that I can't be what everyone wants me to be.
I'm sorry that I let it all fall apart.
I should've tried harder.
I should've been there more.
Now I'm standing here wishing that I could go back.
I'm wishing with all my being I could fix it.
I can tell myself it's not fair and that it's not right, but God's will is perfect;no one can dispute that.
Yea, I'm sorry...I know that's not enough...I just miss all of it...
Yet the memories that were made are more precious than I can ever explain.
Thankful for the steps in my journey...
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
I'm sorry for not doing and saying the right things.
Posted by Ashley at 7:28 PM
Friday, November 13, 2009
How often we must bear the challenges of life;
The endless roller coaster between happiness and sorrow;
The constant ups and downs of daily strife.
And always the question remains .... why?
Life is not an easy road for most;
It twists and turns with many forks in the road,
Although always, and inevitably, we are given a choice ...
Do we turn to the right ... or the left?
Do we take the high road ... or the low road?
Do we take the easy path ... or the difficult one?
Decisions are not easy for those struggling for direction
...And sometimes the many choices and signs become overwhelming.
While standing at a crossroads in life,
The urge is to take the most comfortable path;
The road with least resistance ...
The shortest or most traveled route.
And yet, if we've been down that comfortable road before;
Have gleaned its lessons in life, and learned from our experiences;
Do we yet again follow the known?
Or does our destiny lie in another direction?
The fear of the road less traveled is tangible and all too real;
It manifests itself in many ways,
And tends to cloud the issues that might otherwise be clear.
It is in these times of confusion,That we must seek peace and solitude;
Time to contemplate on our life,
Our experiences and our choices past;
Time to look back, and reflect on what we have learned without fear or confusion.
For only each of us knows our own personal thoughts;Our unique past and personal history;
The experiences that brought us to the crossroads we now face.
We can always learn a small degree from others experiences,
And yet ... no one person can walk in our shoes,Others know not, the trials and tribulations faced in private ...For each is individual ... unique ... and personal.
And that is why ... while standing at a crossroads,Only "we" can formulate the decision for ourselves;The true direction that lies within;
The choices we must deliberate on with clarity and wisdom.
For it is only through personal reflection,That we can now choose our destiny;...
Our next adventure;... And the future we will embrace.
Posted by Ashley at 6:37 AM
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
As the season change from hot to cold
And I watch the leaves change their clothes
From green, to brown, from red to gold
They never seem to change their souls.
They remain humble even as they grow old,
They also hold on------
To their spirits as they dance in the wind,
Even though its man's cruelty in which they must contend.
And they cannot pretend to be uncaring,
And during their fruit bearing-------season,
They provide shade to people, but for no other reason,
Then they are rooted to the Earth,
And they are grown and know at their birth,
That they must put people first.
These trees are humble, Meek, Sleek,
And I stare in disbelief as they smile and swagger in the wind.
They stand firm even as their leaves begin, to fall aimlessly,
Unto the concrete.
Their strong enough to withstand the rain,
The snow, And the sleet,
But of course this is what the trees mean to me. T
heir never out for the fame, Nor the glory,
But in their trunks and branches you can tell their story.
Posted by Ashley at 11:26 AM
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Fall is slowly creeping up on us.
Our long warm evenings are surely turning cool and crisp. Our shorts and t-shirts are being replaced by sweats and jeans. The leaves are starting there amazingly beautiful transformation into colors that can't be expressed by human words. This change in the seasons brings about a new time in this year of our lives. This to me is a time of reflection on the summer. A time to slow down a little and enjoy the harvest and the change. As God turns the hands of time forward we must enjoy every day that we are graciously allowed to experience. For it's only a short while that we have here, so we dare not take this breathtaking transformation for granted, not even for a second.
Posted by Ashley at 4:16 AM
Sunday, September 13, 2009
I love the rain because it hides my tears so well...
Have been trying to get things into perspective.... guess in reality I've been thinking way too much about myself...I need to start putting God and others first. I wish I could be more like my mature christian friends and stop complaining and start realizing how truly blessed I am. I feel like I can't be what everyone expects me to be. I just want to be what God wants me to be. I want to know what His plan is for me. I feel like I'm letting Him down with everyday that passes. I have so many blessings and take them all for granted. I have to continue on this journey the best I can...for I know that even in my darkest and loneliest hour...my hand is in the Master's....
Posted by Ashley at 8:37 PM
Thursday, September 10, 2009
sorry i have been away for so long...
It has been an extremely busy summer working at tha pool and going to tha beach and school starting. Alot of things changed this summer not many for tha good...
People who said they would always be there and never stop caring...weren't there, and stopped caring...rather heartbreaking.
Am trying to get my life in order, am having to adjust to tha fact that tha ones who used to be all about me, hardly talk to me anymore...that's life i guess...
Through all this I have learned that God is tha one who no matter what, will never EVER let me down...I owe my all to Him...
Life is a struggle, this I've learned. I can't afford to let this get me down. As long as I keep God first, what have I to worry about....
But then again, God has blessed me with a few amazing friends...kinda like my undercover angels..i lean on them and the hold me up to the Lord in their prayers and thoughts... I am blessed to say tha least...
Posted by Ashley at 7:09 PM
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
so i guess it is time i get back in this...haven't had a whole lot of internet access so that has slown me down a bit....just a few things to catch up....am managing the clendenin swimming pool....spent two awesome weeks at the beach...and am being hired for the P.E. job at Geary Elementary/Middle School...God is so good to me...I am so blessed with such amazing friends...am trying my best to walk in the path that would be pleasing to Him...
Posted by Ashley at 4:06 PM
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Time Clicks as I await
The hour ends before my take
Sitting, thinking, waiting; my mind escapes
The day grows old as night passes
anticipating. . .
Watching, staring, seeing. . . nothing
Silence begins the day as morning comes without notice
Tears begin to fall, slowly
The day moves on without hope
Wishing to be what is not to be
The sun moves to its peakwithout a whisper or retreat
Time moving, but still empty
Stomach aching, curling Still waiting
Posted by Ashley at 5:28 PM
Monday, June 1, 2009
To try and try and yet come up short,
to hang my head while giving report.
not able to make anything right,
turns brightest day to darkest night.
Amidst thoughts of strength to find myself weak,
brings a gut-wrenching pain of which my heart cannot speak.
Failure has never been part of my plan,
I curse times I don’t, when I know that I can.
My standard, my goal, my hope is perfection,
yet I am met with regret, rebuke and rejection.
Failure is a companion I have grown to despise,
its taunts and its laughs are seen in my eyes.
When my best just isn't good enough....
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalms 23:6
Posted by Ashley at 7:15 AM
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I was sitting here thinking of the words I want to say,
Posted by Ashley at 6:20 AM
Friday, May 22, 2009
We live on a 200+ acre farm. It is only part of the Linkinoggor family farm. Soon my father hopes to buy the other 400+ acres of the original farm. As far back as I can remember, I have always had my jobs on the farm. When your little, your job is to collect the eggs. I thought I was a real farmer, lol, I would sing for all I was worth while I gathered the eggs into my little bucket. I would take them home to my mother and help her put them into cartons. Fresh farm eggs just make a good country breakfast.
As you can see we have cattle on our farm. About 100 head or so. One of my favorite memories of living and working on a farm is tha sound of my father calling cattle. I can't explain it, you just have to hear it yourself. He'd call and call and then you would hear the bull start bawling, then with in minutes, you could see the herd slowly making their way off the ridge. Cows slowly chuggin' along while their babies ran and jumped and played. They would gather round the feeders and feed troughs. I can remember my father showing me how you could rub their back just above their tails. They would stand there for as long as you would scratch and rub. I took this for granted when I was younger. I looked at it as a chore but now I see that it was a priviledge. I wouldn't trade one day of hard work on that farm for any man's money. The things I learned and experienced on our farm are things that you can't learn any where else.
Here are a couple of our babies. These belong to the "Danny Cow" and to the "Harry Cow". Yea we name our cows after who we buy them from. These little guys and gals are way too much fun. They either run and play and jump and kick, OR, they just lay in the sun and bask all day long. They are fun to be around. I love when we walk on the hill and see new babies that have just been born and cleaned up. You can't help but laugh to yourself while you watch them try and take those first wobbly steps. PRICELESS...
Posted by Ashley at 6:02 AM
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I took some time yesterday and threw a softball around with my cousin Kenzie. It brought back so many memories. I remembered how I was always playing softball everyday when I was younger.
I can remember leaving practice and wanting to quit. I would leave mad cause I had a few bad throws or hits. I wanted to be the best ever...Never quite made it there...But i do remember long rides home after games. Scraped elbows, bloody knees, and on several occasions, broken pride. I remember squatting behind home plate and telling my pitcher to burn it in to me. I remember thinking "this runner is gonna bulldoze me".."gotta get low and tag her quick"...yep, those were the days.
When I would step up to the plate, the whole in field groaned..and the outfield backed stepped. The pitcher got nervous, for you see, at that time, I was the only left handed batter. "Never swing at the first pitch" I'd tell myself. "Don't settle for a walk"..."Crack it out there"...the sound of the ball on that bat, and i was gone, half-way to second before it ever came close to the ground. I'd round second and dive into third. After the dust cleared, nothing but a smile on my face waiting for my chance to steal home. Or..I'd jog to the dugout with my head down knowing I should've ran faster or dove lower. I didn't play cause I loved it...I played cause I couldn't live with out it...yep, those were the days...
Posted by Ashley at 7:40 AM
Thursday, May 14, 2009
My life is full of mountains and valleys. It seems lately that there have been nothing but valleys ahead of me. This is where I learn to trust and draw my strength from God. I stumble and I fall, yet His hand is always there to pick me up, dust me off, and help get going again.
I used to try to run through my valley, thinking if I did that then it wouldn't take as long. I couldn't have been more wrong. I have found that "slow and steady wins the race". I had to have help figuring that out.
In my valley I cursed and I spit...I kicked and I hit. I blamed everything on everyone and couldn't see the big picture. All I could see is what was happening right then. All i could see was this dark scary lonely valley that was slowly swallowing me alive. Now when I look back I can't help but see how green my valley was. Thank you for my valleys Jesus. For in these I have learned that they are what make the mounntain top worth every mile.
"When there's a lesson for learning, He'll take you aside To walk in the valley close by His side. Up on the mountain sweet blessing He gives, But down in the valley is where we learn to live."
Posted by Ashley at 6:04 AM
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The patience of eternity, The depth of a family need,
He knew His masterpiece was complete, And so, He called it ... Dad
Posted by Ashley at 8:08 AM
Monday, May 11, 2009
When i run, it's just me, God, and the road. I think about all the expectations that weigh on my life. I think of the letdowns and the disappointments on my shoulders. I think of my short comings and failures. There's not a road long enough to cover them all. When i run, those all fall away. I shed them and leave them laying where they fall, hoping that the wind or the rain will carry them away. I leave a trail of sorrows and broken dreams that now lay by the wayside. I feel a sense of relief when i take that last step. For, by the time I've finished my run...I'm free.
Posted by Ashley at 6:13 AM
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
When I'm in the back yard, I'm king with the ball.
Then finally it hit me when I started to see
That face in the mirror that was always so great
And all of my teammates didn't seem quite so bad.
Posted by Ashley at 7:56 AM
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Posted by Ashley at 6:23 AM
Friday, May 1, 2009
Yes, the tide of my life is high, but i am holding on. I am so thankful for the ones that I have to hold on to. I have an amazing support system and am beyond thankful for that. I am learning that life is not always going to go in the direction that you have planned. It WILL go in the direction that God has planned. I know I need to learn to just stand still and let God move. I am struggling, but I am hopeful. No time for floating...it's sink or swim...and i'm paddling for all i'm worth.
Posted by Ashley at 6:28 AM
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
i hope that you had tha best birthday ever and know that i am so thankful for you and for all that u do and all that you are to me. I hope you know that you are tha best friend that i have ever had. Thanks for being one of my greatest blessings. Can't wait to see what tha next thirty-two years have in store for you! :) <3
Posted by Ashley at 8:34 PM
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
So, for thirty-two years this world has been made better by having this special person in it.
My best friend Sarah Walker. She is everything i could ever ask for and more. She knows the true meaning of the word friend and exhibits that everyday. She has made life so much better for me and has inspired me to better myself. I will never be able to understand what it was that God Almighty saw fit in me to bless me with her as my best friend. Whatever it was, i'm so glad He saw it and poured this wonderful blessing into my life. Happy Birthday Sarah...My best friend...My sister...my rock...I can only pray that i am with you for the next thirty-two years to watch you raise your wonderful family and to hear your beautiful voice and to see your beautiful smile...I love you Sarah. Happy Birthday to my best friend...<3
Posted by Ashley at 11:40 AM
Monday, April 27, 2009
So, this weekend on my way home from Charleston is when it happened.....
My old blue Ford Taurus P.O.C. (piece of crap) gave out on the interstate. I couldn't get above 40 miles an hour...then i couldn't get above 20...i pulled off onto the shoulder and the ol' girl wouldn't even idle. :( I sat there for a while with no air conditioning. Finally I was able to get ahold of my father who informed me that i needed to try and start it and get off the interstate A.S.A.P. After finishing that conversation, I called my sister who sent my brother-in-law to get me. I was able to get my car to a park-n-ride. There she sits...this might actually be the end for my faithful lil' jalopy. We have had some great times....I will miss my car....then again who knows?! It just might be fixable! :)
Posted by Ashley at 6:56 AM
Friday, April 24, 2009
Summer Sun by Robert Louis Stevenson
Great is the sun, and wide he goes
Through empty heaven with repose;
And in the blue and glowing days
More thick than rain he showers his rays.
Though closer still the blinds we pull
To keep the shady parlour cool,
Yet he will find a chink or two
To slip his golden fingers through.
The dusty attic spider-clad
He, through the keyhole, maketh glad;
And through the broken edge of tiles
Into the laddered hay-loft smiles.
Meantime his golden face around
He bares to all the garden ground,
And sheds a warm and glittering look
Among the ivy's inmost nook.
Above the hills, along the blue,
Round the bright air with footing true,
To please the child, to paint the rose,
The gardener of the World, he goes.
Posted by Ashley at 7:07 AM
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Yes, I'm a P.E. and Health major who teaches 3rd grade every day. Not my area of expertise by any means but I love it just the same. Teaching could be one of the most rewarding jobs that I have ever experienced. I love to watch these young amazing minds work and grow. There is nothing more satisfying than to go home at the end of the day knowing that for those 7 hours, I made a difference in my student's lives.
Posted by Ashley at 7:21 AM
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
OK...so last week was spring break and on Thursday Sarah and her kids came over to spend the day with me on my farm. It was their first visit to my home and I was so nervous. I cleaned like a mad woman and cooked us brunch. Then we hit the farm...yep all 5 of us on one four-wheeler!
I took them to the highest point on our farm. It's a pretty amazing view. I can't wait to bring them back in the summer and let them see it in full foliage. I am so glad that we were able to share such a beautiful day together.
Thank you Sarah for coming to visit with your wonderful children. You made it a great day for me. I hope you enjoyed it as much as i did. I can't wait to do it again! It was truly a wonderful blessing to share my home and my farm with my best friend and her kids!
Posted by Ashley at 7:09 AM
First time trying this out. I was inspired by my wonderfully amazing best friend. She has inspired me to be better than I am. This will be an interesting experience for me, for the simple fact I am not used to sharing my thoughts with very many other people. Wish me luck! :)
Posted by Ashley at 4:11 AM