Sorry

I'm sorry for not doing and saying the right things.
I'm sorry that I can't be what everyone wants me to be.
I'm sorry that I let it all fall apart.
I should've tried harder.
I should've been there more.
Now I'm standing here wishing that I could go back.
I'm wishing with all my being I could fix it.
I can tell myself it's not fair and that it's not right, but God's will is perfect;no one can dispute that.
Yea, I'm sorry...I know that's not enough...I just miss all of it...
Yet the memories that were made are more precious than I can ever explain.
Thankful for the steps in my journey...

To chose the road less traveled...

How often we must bear the challenges of life;
The endless roller coaster between happiness and sorrow;
The constant ups and downs of daily strife.
And always the question remains .... why?
Life is not an easy road for most;
It twists and turns with many forks in the road,
Although always, and inevitably, we are given a choice ...
Do we turn to the right ... or the left?
Do we take the high road ... or the low road?
Do we take the easy path ... or the difficult one?
Decisions are not easy for those struggling for direction
...And sometimes the many choices and signs become overwhelming.
While standing at a crossroads in life,
The urge is to take the most comfortable path;
The road with least resistance ...
The shortest or most traveled route.
And yet, if we've been down that comfortable road before;
Have gleaned its lessons in life, and learned from our experiences;
Do we yet again follow the known?
Or does our destiny lie in another direction?
The fear of the road less traveled is tangible and all too real;
It manifests itself in many ways,
And tends to cloud the issues that might otherwise be clear.
It is in these times of confusion,That we must seek peace and solitude;
Time to contemplate on our life,
Our experiences and our choices past;
Time to look back, and reflect on what we have learned without fear or confusion.
For only each of us knows our own personal thoughts;Our unique past and personal history;
The experiences that brought us to the crossroads we now face.
We can always learn a small degree from others experiences,
And yet ... no one person can walk in our shoes,Others know not, the trials and tribulations faced in private ...For each is individual ... unique ... and personal.
And that is why ... while standing at a crossroads,Only "we" can formulate the decision for ourselves;The true direction that lies within;
The choices we must deliberate on with clarity and wisdom.
For it is only through personal reflection,That we can now choose our destiny;...
Our next adventure;... And the future we will embrace.

Changing of the Season...

As the season change from hot to cold
And I watch the leaves change their clothes
From green, to brown, from red to gold
They never seem to change their souls.
They remain humble even as they grow old,
They also hold on------
To their spirits as they dance in the wind,
Even though its man's cruelty in which they must contend.
And they cannot pretend to be uncaring,
And during their fruit bearing-------season,
They provide shade to people, but for no other reason,
Then they are rooted to the Earth,
And they are grown and know at their birth,
That they must put people first.
These trees are humble, Meek, Sleek,
And I stare in disbelief as they smile and swagger in the wind.
They stand firm even as their leaves begin, to fall aimlessly,
Unto the concrete.
Their strong enough to withstand the rain,
The snow, And the sleet,
But of course this is what the trees mean to me. T
heir never out for the fame, Nor the glory,
But in their trunks and branches you can tell their story.

It's here

Fall is slowly creeping up on us.
Our long warm evenings are surely turning cool and crisp. Our shorts and t-shirts are being replaced by sweats and jeans. The leaves are starting there amazingly beautiful transformation into colors that can't be expressed by human words. This change in the seasons brings about a new time in this year of our lives. This to me is a time of reflection on the summer. A time to slow down a little and enjoy the harvest and the change. As God turns the hands of time forward we must enjoy every day that we are graciously allowed to experience. For it's only a short while that we have here, so we dare not take this breathtaking transformation for granted, not even for a second.

Purpose...

I love the rain because it hides my tears so well...

Have been trying to get things into perspective.... guess in reality I've been thinking way too much about myself...I need to start putting God and others first. I wish I could be more like my mature christian friends and stop complaining and start realizing how truly blessed I am. I feel like I can't be what everyone expects me to be. I just want to be what God wants me to be. I want to know what His plan is for me. I feel like I'm letting Him down with everyday that passes. I have so many blessings and take them all for granted. I have to continue on this journey the best I can...for I know that even in my darkest and loneliest hour...my hand is in the Master's....

disappointment...

sorry i have been away for so long...
It has been an extremely busy summer working at tha pool and going to tha beach and school starting. Alot of things changed this summer not many for tha good...
People who said they would always be there and never stop caring...weren't there, and stopped caring...rather heartbreaking.

Am trying to get my life in order, am having to adjust to tha fact that tha ones who used to be all about me, hardly talk to me anymore...that's life i guess...

Through all this I have learned that God is tha one who no matter what, will never EVER let me down...I owe my all to Him...

Life is a struggle, this I've learned. I can't afford to let this get me down. As long as I keep God first, what have I to worry about....

But then again, God has blessed me with a few amazing friends...kinda like my undercover angels..i lean on them and the hold me up to the Lord in their prayers and thoughts... I am blessed to say tha least...

absent...

so i guess it is time i get back in this...haven't had a whole lot of internet access so that has slown me down a bit....just a few things to catch up....am managing the clendenin swimming pool....spent two awesome weeks at the beach...and am being hired for the P.E. job at Geary Elementary/Middle School...God is so good to me...I am so blessed with such amazing friends...am trying my best to walk in the path that would be pleasing to Him...