My Baby

Here i sit..thinkin bout tha day i brought her home, her first bath, her first trick. So many things that she had done to get in trouble yet so many ways she brought so much joy to my life. My running partner, my bed buddy, my baby. You don't know about lonely, till you've had something so precious and so sweet to just get taken away so quickly. Maybe i should've loved her better or praised her more. She was all I had and now she's gone, and i'm alone again. Maddie, my sweet baby, I loved you so much from day one...you brought so much joy and happiness to my life...you were beautiful and smart and so caring...thank you for being my sunshine...i love and miss you more than you will ever know....

The Strength of the Lonely

The days grow long, and the nights even longer
While trying to smile, my thoughts are so somber
For the joy is gone, and the love is lost
Trying to make it work is not worth the cost

So i go on and live with the pain
And try to remember the good times again
My memory struggles and my smile grows dim
Still wishing things were like they were back then

In God i will trust and ever lean on
For He is my strength, and His will be done
He plans out my journey, and all of my steps
It will be in His arms that i will take my rest

The Father in Heaven is the strength of the lonely
Comfort and peace come from Him only
So i will keep trusting, and traveling on
For while on this journey, im never alone...

Not sure what to write about tonight... Guess I should start with how thankful I am for all of my many many blessings. So undeserving am I, yet God in all His mercy still showers me with His grace and unconditional love. I am living this life to the best of my ability, yet somehow I feel like I'm not where I need to be. I am still searching for my purpose on this earth and hoping I will find it soon. I feel like I have really let some people down along with my Lord. I am more than willing to try harder and bridge gaps and fix holes that I have created in my life. Prayer is a powerful thing, it can change everything. My prayer is my strength. I hope when it is all said and done, my Lord will be satisfied...

Sorry

I'm sorry for not doing and saying the right things.
I'm sorry that I can't be what everyone wants me to be.
I'm sorry that I let it all fall apart.
I should've tried harder.
I should've been there more.
Now I'm standing here wishing that I could go back.
I'm wishing with all my being I could fix it.
I can tell myself it's not fair and that it's not right, but God's will is perfect;no one can dispute that.
Yea, I'm sorry...I know that's not enough...I just miss all of it...
Yet the memories that were made are more precious than I can ever explain.
Thankful for the steps in my journey...

To chose the road less traveled...

How often we must bear the challenges of life;
The endless roller coaster between happiness and sorrow;
The constant ups and downs of daily strife.
And always the question remains .... why?
Life is not an easy road for most;
It twists and turns with many forks in the road,
Although always, and inevitably, we are given a choice ...
Do we turn to the right ... or the left?
Do we take the high road ... or the low road?
Do we take the easy path ... or the difficult one?
Decisions are not easy for those struggling for direction
...And sometimes the many choices and signs become overwhelming.
While standing at a crossroads in life,
The urge is to take the most comfortable path;
The road with least resistance ...
The shortest or most traveled route.
And yet, if we've been down that comfortable road before;
Have gleaned its lessons in life, and learned from our experiences;
Do we yet again follow the known?
Or does our destiny lie in another direction?
The fear of the road less traveled is tangible and all too real;
It manifests itself in many ways,
And tends to cloud the issues that might otherwise be clear.
It is in these times of confusion,That we must seek peace and solitude;
Time to contemplate on our life,
Our experiences and our choices past;
Time to look back, and reflect on what we have learned without fear or confusion.
For only each of us knows our own personal thoughts;Our unique past and personal history;
The experiences that brought us to the crossroads we now face.
We can always learn a small degree from others experiences,
And yet ... no one person can walk in our shoes,Others know not, the trials and tribulations faced in private ...For each is individual ... unique ... and personal.
And that is why ... while standing at a crossroads,Only "we" can formulate the decision for ourselves;The true direction that lies within;
The choices we must deliberate on with clarity and wisdom.
For it is only through personal reflection,That we can now choose our destiny;...
Our next adventure;... And the future we will embrace.

Changing of the Season...

As the season change from hot to cold
And I watch the leaves change their clothes
From green, to brown, from red to gold
They never seem to change their souls.
They remain humble even as they grow old,
They also hold on------
To their spirits as they dance in the wind,
Even though its man's cruelty in which they must contend.
And they cannot pretend to be uncaring,
And during their fruit bearing-------season,
They provide shade to people, but for no other reason,
Then they are rooted to the Earth,
And they are grown and know at their birth,
That they must put people first.
These trees are humble, Meek, Sleek,
And I stare in disbelief as they smile and swagger in the wind.
They stand firm even as their leaves begin, to fall aimlessly,
Unto the concrete.
Their strong enough to withstand the rain,
The snow, And the sleet,
But of course this is what the trees mean to me. T
heir never out for the fame, Nor the glory,
But in their trunks and branches you can tell their story.

It's here

Fall is slowly creeping up on us.
Our long warm evenings are surely turning cool and crisp. Our shorts and t-shirts are being replaced by sweats and jeans. The leaves are starting there amazingly beautiful transformation into colors that can't be expressed by human words. This change in the seasons brings about a new time in this year of our lives. This to me is a time of reflection on the summer. A time to slow down a little and enjoy the harvest and the change. As God turns the hands of time forward we must enjoy every day that we are graciously allowed to experience. For it's only a short while that we have here, so we dare not take this breathtaking transformation for granted, not even for a second.

Purpose...

I love the rain because it hides my tears so well...

Have been trying to get things into perspective.... guess in reality I've been thinking way too much about myself...I need to start putting God and others first. I wish I could be more like my mature christian friends and stop complaining and start realizing how truly blessed I am. I feel like I can't be what everyone expects me to be. I just want to be what God wants me to be. I want to know what His plan is for me. I feel like I'm letting Him down with everyday that passes. I have so many blessings and take them all for granted. I have to continue on this journey the best I can...for I know that even in my darkest and loneliest hour...my hand is in the Master's....

disappointment...

sorry i have been away for so long...
It has been an extremely busy summer working at tha pool and going to tha beach and school starting. Alot of things changed this summer not many for tha good...
People who said they would always be there and never stop caring...weren't there, and stopped caring...rather heartbreaking.

Am trying to get my life in order, am having to adjust to tha fact that tha ones who used to be all about me, hardly talk to me anymore...that's life i guess...

Through all this I have learned that God is tha one who no matter what, will never EVER let me down...I owe my all to Him...

Life is a struggle, this I've learned. I can't afford to let this get me down. As long as I keep God first, what have I to worry about....

But then again, God has blessed me with a few amazing friends...kinda like my undercover angels..i lean on them and the hold me up to the Lord in their prayers and thoughts... I am blessed to say tha least...

absent...

so i guess it is time i get back in this...haven't had a whole lot of internet access so that has slown me down a bit....just a few things to catch up....am managing the clendenin swimming pool....spent two awesome weeks at the beach...and am being hired for the P.E. job at Geary Elementary/Middle School...God is so good to me...I am so blessed with such amazing friends...am trying my best to walk in the path that would be pleasing to Him...

Still waiting...

Time Clicks as I await
The hour ends before my take
Sitting, thinking, waiting; my mind escapes
The day grows old as night passes
anticipating. . .
Watching, staring, seeing. . . nothing
Silence begins the day as morning comes without notice
Tears begin to fall, slowly
The day moves on without hope
Wishing to be what is not to be
The sun moves to its peakwithout a whisper or retreat
Time moving, but still empty
Stomach aching, curling Still waiting

Failure

To try and try and yet come up short,
to hang my head while giving report.
not able to make anything right,
turns brightest day to darkest night.
Amidst thoughts of strength to find myself weak,
brings a gut-wrenching pain of which my heart cannot speak.

Failure has never been part of my plan,
I curse times I don’t, when I know that I can.
My standard, my goal, my hope is perfection,
yet I am met with regret, rebuke and rejection.
Failure is a companion I have grown to despise,
its taunts and its laughs are seen in my eyes.





When my best just isn't good enough....

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalms 23:6

My Best Friend...

I was sitting here thinking of the words I want to say,

but they just wouldn't come out right so I found a different way.

I got a piece of paperand I wrote this poem for you,

but there's no way to thank you for everything you do.

For always being nice to me and staying by my side,

for helping fix my problems and never leaving me behind.

For accepting my thoughts and feelings,though you do not understand,

for never giving up on me and being my best friend.

For making me laugh and letting me cry

and saying you'd miss me if I were to die.

Everything you mean to me you could never know

In all the ways you've changed my life I could never show.

The way you take care of me, you're my shining star

and though it's so incredible that's just the way you are.

Before I get too mushy it's time for me to go,

but before I leave this ink-filled page there's one thing you should know.

As long as we are living, no matter when or where,

if you ever need me just call and I'll be there.

I'll climb a thousand mountains and swim a thousand seas

anything to be there 'cause... you've been there for me.

My Farm

We live on a 200+ acre farm. It is only part of the Linkinoggor family farm. Soon my father hopes to buy the other 400+ acres of the original farm. As far back as I can remember, I have always had my jobs on the farm. When your little, your job is to collect the eggs. I thought I was a real farmer, lol, I would sing for all I was worth while I gathered the eggs into my little bucket. I would take them home to my mother and help her put them into cartons. Fresh farm eggs just make a good country breakfast.











As you can see we have cattle on our farm. About 100 head or so. One of my favorite memories of living and working on a farm is tha sound of my father calling cattle. I can't explain it, you just have to hear it yourself. He'd call and call and then you would hear the bull start bawling, then with in minutes, you could see the herd slowly making their way off the ridge. Cows slowly chuggin' along while their babies ran and jumped and played. They would gather round the feeders and feed troughs. I can remember my father showing me how you could rub their back just above their tails. They would stand there for as long as you would scratch and rub. I took this for granted when I was younger. I looked at it as a chore but now I see that it was a priviledge. I wouldn't trade one day of hard work on that farm for any man's money. The things I learned and experienced on our farm are things that you can't learn any where else.



Here are a couple of our babies. These belong to the "Danny Cow" and to the "Harry Cow". Yea we name our cows after who we buy them from. These little guys and gals are way too much fun. They either run and play and jump and kick, OR, they just lay in the sun and bask all day long. They are fun to be around. I love when we walk on the hill and see new babies that have just been born and cleaned up. You can't help but laugh to yourself while you watch them try and take those first wobbly steps. PRICELESS...

I thank God for my being raised on a farm. Through this I have learned the value of a hard day of chores, the value of a dollar, and the importance of each job finished and done well. I am truly blessed to have watched the different miracles of life and growth that are everso on going.

On our farm is where I have had some of the best talks with my Jesus. I walk to the highest ridge on our farm and just sit and talk to Him for hours about everything. I feel Him kiss my cheek with a gentle breeze. I listen to Him sing a love song to me through the birds in the trees. I tell Him all my cares and He covers me with sunshine to let me know He's there and that He will keep me. This is my favorite place to be on a starry night. It seems that you can reach right up and touch the stars. I lay there and watch Him wink at me over and over in that dark sky. Thank you God for all these blessings,... my farm, and my life, and my journey...

Those were the days...

I took some time yesterday and threw a softball around with my cousin Kenzie. It brought back so many memories. I remembered how I was always playing softball everyday when I was younger.
I can remember leaving practice and wanting to quit. I would leave mad cause I had a few bad throws or hits. I wanted to be the best ever...Never quite made it there...But i do remember long rides home after games. Scraped elbows, bloody knees, and on several occasions, broken pride. I remember squatting behind home plate and telling my pitcher to burn it in to me. I remember thinking "this runner is gonna bulldoze me".."gotta get low and tag her quick"...yep, those were the days.
When I would step up to the plate, the whole in field groaned..and the outfield backed stepped. The pitcher got nervous, for you see, at that time, I was the only left handed batter. "Never swing at the first pitch" I'd tell myself. "Don't settle for a walk"..."Crack it out there"...the sound of the ball on that bat, and i was gone, half-way to second before it ever came close to the ground. I'd round second and dive into third. After the dust cleared, nothing but a smile on my face waiting for my chance to steal home. Or..I'd jog to the dugout with my head down knowing I should've ran faster or dove lower. I didn't play cause I loved it...I played cause I couldn't live with out it...yep, those were the days...

My Valley...

My life is full of mountains and valleys. It seems lately that there have been nothing but valleys ahead of me. This is where I learn to trust and draw my strength from God. I stumble and I fall, yet His hand is always there to pick me up, dust me off, and help get going again.

I used to try to run through my valley, thinking if I did that then it wouldn't take as long. I couldn't have been more wrong. I have found that "slow and steady wins the race". I had to have help figuring that out.

In my valley I cursed and I spit...I kicked and I hit. I blamed everything on everyone and couldn't see the big picture. All I could see is what was happening right then. All i could see was this dark scary lonely valley that was slowly swallowing me alive. Now when I look back I can't help but see how green my valley was. Thank you for my valleys Jesus. For in these I have learned that they are what make the mounntain top worth every mile.

"When there's a lesson for learning, He'll take you aside To walk in the valley close by His side. Up on the mountain sweet blessing He gives, But down in the valley is where we learn to live."

My Father...

Yesterday was my father's birthday...he is 55 years young <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY...I LOVE YOU :)

God took the strength of a mountain, The majesty of a tree,

The warmth of a summer sun, The calm of a quiet sea,

The generous soul of nature,The comforting arm of night,

The wisdom of the ages, The power of the eagle's flight,

The joy of a morning in spring, The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity, The depth of a family need,

Then God combined these qualities,

When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete, And so, He called it ... Dad

That's why I run

“Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us" Hebrews 12:1

"Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain."

1 Corinthians 9:24

I run every morning at 5:30.(or at least I try to...) This is my time to let everything go. This is my time to clear my head and just run for all I'm worth. With every step, I try to let one more weight fall off my chest, one more burden fall to the asphalt and shatter. I feel my heart beat in my throat and my forehead, my knees hurt and my hips ache, i want to stop, but no. Pain is weakness leaving the body....

When i run, it's just me, God, and the road. I think about all the expectations that weigh on my life. I think of the letdowns and the disappointments on my shoulders. I think of my short comings and failures. There's not a road long enough to cover them all. When i run, those all fall away. I shed them and leave them laying where they fall, hoping that the wind or the rain will carry them away. I leave a trail of sorrows and broken dreams that now lay by the wayside. I feel a sense of relief when i take that last step. For, by the time I've finished my run...I'm free.

Just Me

From the time I was little, I knew I was great

'cause the people would tell me, "You'll make it--just wait."

But they never did tell me how great I would be

if I ever played someone who was greater than me.

When I'm in the back yard, I'm king with the ball.

To swish all those baskets is no sweat at all.

But all of a sudden there's a man in my face

Who doesn't seem to realize that I'm king of this place.

So the pressure gets to me; I rush with the ball.

My passes to teammates could go through the wall.

My jumpers not falling, my dribbles not sure.

My hand is not steady, my eye is not pure.

The fault is my teammates--they don't understand.

The fault is my coaches--what a terrible plan.

The fault is the call by the blind referee.

But the fault is not mine; I'm the greatest, you see.

Then finally it hit me when I started to see

that the face in the mirror looked exactly like me.

It wasn't my teammates who were dropping the ball,

and it wasn't my coach shooting bricks at the wall.
That face in the mirror that was always so great

had some room for improvement instead of just hate.

So I stopped blaming others and I started to grow.

My play got much better and it started to show.
And all of my teammates didn't seem quite so bad.

I learned to depend on the good friends I had.

Now I like myself better since I started to see

that I was lousy at being great--I'm much better being me.

Rain!

Wow, what a flood. Jokingly I told my weebie buddies to pray for a flood. It worked! lol...God sent an abundance of rain to our already saturated lil countryside. Result?, Highest waters seen in about 3 years...I have to admit, I love rain. Even tho rain clouds darken the days, rain brings forth newness. It revives and refreshes. It awakens life and causes amazing growth. God always gives us exactly what we need. Things have never looked so green and alive!